Hearing a british accent calms me down.
You know when you look at old photos, read old messages, and think to yourself, “wow… that’s when everything was amazing…”
Fuck… I really miss that accent.
I really miss talking to her. She was such a weirdo. And I just loved it.
and yes, I’m freakin’ awesome.
I was with this girl for about a year. It was the best year of my life. It was also the first time I had ever fallen madly in love… or in love at all. During this time, we shared so much together. Secrets, laughs, thoughts, stories, cries, smiles, everything. I felt so alive being with her. We gave each other our all and I never felt so beautiful being able to call her mine. We then started to hit a couple bumps late last year which led to us breaking up; something I never thought would ever happen. We were apart for about 2 months, the worst 2 months to ever go through, until we got back together in late December. I felt alive again. I felt like I could finally breathe. I felt amazing. That was until about a month ago, we broke up again. We’ve talked since then, but oddly. Sometimes good and sometimes just plain nonsense. It was last weekend where we skyped together since our break up and I ended up feeling so much better, just to see her face again. That following Tuesday, she said she loved me but could no longer talk to me ever because everything would just start going around in a circle again. It was the distance that killed it. And feelings for others.
The thing is, she lives 3,500 miles away from me. We met about a year and a half ago but, never face-to-face. It’s been long distance. All I’ve ever wanted was to hold her. To kiss her in every way possible. To wrap her in my arms and cuddle her through the night. To run my fingers through her hair and hands down her back. To marry her. To make her feel incredible. To look her deeply in those eyes and tell her how much I love her. To spend the rest of my life with her, with no worries or doubts.
Now, I don’t even know if I’ll ever get the chance to hear her voice again. I’m scared. I’m lost. I’ve never felt so sick. It’s not that I’m scared to be alone. It’s the fact that I’ve lost someone who meant the entire world to me. Girlfriends or not, I cherished that girl. I miss her, I love her, & I don’t know what the fuck to do.
Somebody please help me. I’m going crazy.
Just another one of those nights. Oh wait, that’s every night.