We’ve all been there. Either wanting someone we’ve never had before or losing someone we thought we’d never lose and wanting them back. Then our minds go crazy. We cry amounts of tears we never thought were possible, we start saying things like “I’m going to die alone” and “no one will ever want me”, and worst of all, we march straight to the conclusion that we’ll never be good enough for anyone.
That all needs to stop. Now.
Never feel guilty or stupid or wrong for loving and having strong feelings for someone… whether it be a friend, an ex, someone you’ve just met, anyone. The reason we are in these states of emotional wreck is because we care and we love. Just because the one you want more than anything doesn’t feel the same for you does NOT mean you’re worthless, unattractive, or “will die alone.” It simply means there are better things out there, just for you. You obviously have the ability to love. Now you just need that one special person, who is right, to find YOU to love.
It could happen tonight, tomorrow, next week, next year, who knows when. But it will happen. And I promise you’ll be happier than ever. You’ll look back on the heartache, the tears, the sadness and anger… and just laugh.
It’s a bitch to have her on my mind as much as she is. It’s been a while now, you’d think I’d be over everything. But I knew from the very beginning that she was going to be the one person I’d always love no matter what, always care for. And it’s not like it’s a bad thing. It’s not like I can control anything. It is what it is. Perhaps one day, years from now, we can randomly meet in some coffee shop, talk about silly shit, and exchange numbers like it was all brand new. But I can’t be selfish anymore. She’s now with a girl who makes her happy. Sure it stings a little bit, it always will. But I hope this happiness for her continues. I really do. Just gotta learn to let go and live your life. And I intend to do just that.
When someone is going through a hard time after a break up, I want to help. I want to hear about everything, hear how they feel, hear their struggles, & then cure in every way possible. The one phrase no one wants to hear is “just be happy & move on.” Like honestly… I’m pretty fucking sure if it were that simple, they would have done that from the very beginning. Whenever you want to say that to someone, please stop and think. Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine you have just lost the best thing you’ve ever had, the thing that made you the happiest. Do you understand now? It’s not that easy. Sometimes all a broken soul needs is just that one person who will truly give a shit.
I don’t get it. People go on saying things like “I hate being single & seeing happy couples walking around all cute,” just because they want that in their life. But once they’re in a relationship, all they want to do is either give a half-ass job, turn it into some kind of “open” piece of shit, or cheat all together. Am I missing something? Call me old fashioned, but I look at a true relationship as two souls who really want to be together. Not because they feel like they need some kind of rebound or simply because they’re bored, but rather because they can’t stand to see that person with anyone else. That’s how it should be. Be with someone because you want them, you want to make them the happiest person in the world, & you want to wake up every morning with a smile on your face knowing that you’re taken by someone like no other. I just can’t stand to see these fragile hearts being broken anymore.
I think one of the most difficult things to ever go through is to wait for someone; not even knowing if they feel the same way about you. Whether that be an ex that you’ve never lost feelings for or someone who you’ve admired from afar for ages. All that goes through your head is how funny they are, how beautiful they can be, how happy they’ve made you in the past and now. Then you start hating yourself. You keep asking yourself the same questions day after day…. “where did we go wrong?” or simply “what’s wrong with me?” You suddenly think you’re just not good enough. And the sad thing is, you can’t control it. Love is unexplainable and will give you thoughts and feelings you never thought you could ever feel. And although some feelings of love may never change, you will reach a point and say “enough is enough.” You are good enough and sooner or later, someone is going to see that. That someone is going to make you feel wonderful.
It’s amazing how that one word can bring so many feelings out from under you. Love can be so beautiful; the most beautiful thing you might ever experience even. The feeling of sweet comfort and warmth in your body. Just thinking about that one person will bring those soft chills up your spine and a golden smile to your face. Everything so peaceful and incredible, knowing that there is someone out there who thinks the world of you, who wants you and only you, who will do anything for you because, well… they love you.
However, love can also be the worst pain you might ever feel. Worse than a tooth being pulled, a snake bite, or even a sharp blade cutting deep in your skin. It hurts. To want someone, crave someone, feel completely lost without them. And there you are, what can you do? Nothing. The best you can do is pray that the pain stops. Feeling hopeless knowing you can’t simply run away from your feelings, but instead must cope with them in a way that will make the tears stop falling.
And just like that. Love is a beautiful, crazy, wonderful, heartbreaking, amazing, horrific, spectacular, unexplainable feeling.
This year I’ve learned quite a few things. But I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that eventually, no matter what kind of hardships you’ve been through, they do get better in time. However, some feelings for people you just can’t escape, and that’s okay. You just can’t get down on yourself about it. Live your life the way you deserve. And that’s not to be upset; only to go through everyday with a true smile on your face and to simply be happy.
It’s amazing to not feel like a prisoner in my own body anymore. To not cry & actually feel like there’s hope. I went through the longest time feeling asthough my heart would take over and maintain like that until the day I died. It scared me. I’m a very emotional person and I always will be. I also don’t fall in love & develope strong feelings for peope easily. But when I do, I fall pretty hard. If I’ve learned anything in the past year or so, it’s to never doubt yourself. Love is a scary thing but it is also a very beautiful process. Not everything is for certain, but not everything will end. You just have to take chances. And no matter if those chances taken are forever lovely or end in a way which breaks your heart completely, always keep your head held high. Things will be hard; they might even bring you down to a place so low that you feel like nothing in the world will ever bring you back up like they did with me. But given time, as much time as you need, everything will be golden. I promise.
To the people who follow me, thank you. If any of you are either going through a hard time with family, relationships, problems within yourself, or just need someone to talk to, I’m always here. I would love to hear your stories & and try my best to put that smile back on your face. :) Anons or not. x
- Kayla
